The Epic Saga of the Lost Server
“Lo, and in those days businesses relied on their hosting companies to provide them with excellent customer service, persistent uptimes, and rapid response during downtime events.
But in that day, the god of lightning (for he is a fickle and capricious god) saw to it to destroy the server the people relied on for their daily sustenance.
And the leader of the people beseeched the gods of hosting for succor; but were denied. For they spoke in riddles and strange tongues whilst they mocked and scoffed at his words.
For the greater gods’ hearts remained cold and hardened by the winds and great amounts of cash that blew into their stony towers.
And there was a great weeping and gnashing of teeth among the peoples. For they had been in drought, yet, they survived through their wiles and labors; but, without the VPS parent server, they had no means to provide for their families.
But the leader of the people was not deterred. He sent prayers, and offerings, and multiple support ticket requests, and phone calls to the lesser gods in hopes that one would hear his pleas and avenge his loss.
And his prayers and cries were answered; yea, but not until evening of the third day.
On the evening of the third day, the lesser gods of System Admin and Support Supervision heard his pleas, and were greatly distraught. ‘For his people have no websites, nor any hosting, nor any means of sustenance during this time of drought, and although the greater gods have scoffed and mocked him in his time of need, we will do what we can in secret to help him.’
And so, the lesser gods brought him a great burning brand that they called ‘New Server’ – and magically transferred all his data, and his people’s data, and the data thereof to the ‘New Server’. And although the trickster MySQL caused them much mischief, they were able to restore the power of hosting to the leader and his people.
And on that night the people rejoiced.
But, the leader of the people was perplexed, and greatly troubled. ‘Why was this not done three days ago?’
And there was no answer. So the lesser gods restored a fraction of his losses according to their SLA, which amounted to a pittance in his eyes.
But the lesser gods’ powers were limited by the dominion of the greater gods.
And yet, the leader and his people remained, perhaps to seek new lands and new hosting servers, and to tell others through tales and fables of the poor treatment they received at the hands of the greater gods.
For the leader of the people was defiant, and not one to easily forget.”